SBS Braces Itself For Backlash Regarding Asian Faces In Eurovision

Australia's Special Broadcasting Service, SBS, was established in 1975 to provide multilingual radio broadcasts to the Australian public, and later offered news and television programming from around the world. For decades, SBS expanded its channels and services to encompass the wide multicultural spectrum of Australian society, as well as transmitting a veritable plethora of niche world cinema, sports, and nudity-saturated Scandinavian porn to our screens.

A dedicated team of SBS journalists covering
the local Junior Tae-Kwon-Do semifinal

One staple of the SBS dégustation diet has been The Eurovision Song Contest, an international singing tournament which has been broadcast by the channel every year since 1983. Often abbreviated to Eurovision, this event is an annual talent show allowing Slavic countries to commit passive-aggressive political powerplays via thinly-veiled downvoting of one another's glittery jumpsuits, hairspray, and strobelit yodelling performances.

Why are we bombing the Middle East again?

In 2016, Australia was inexplicably allowed to compete in the Eurovision contest for a second year, despite being about as geographically European as Argentina is. What's more, the key faces representing our country to the European audience and millions of viewers around the world, were entrant Dami Im and SBS newsreader, Lee Lin Chin.

Damn, Dami Im. Back at it again with the white gowns.

Lee Lin arranges her global conquests in order of decimation.

 As you may notice, neither Korean-born Dami Im nor Indonesian-born Lee Lin Chin generally represent what one would consider the 'traditional' Australian face. Ms Chin was already the recent subject of outcry regarding her nomination for a Gold Logie award along with presenter Waleed Aly, so further backlash for being the representative of Australia to a global audience is almost inevitably going to hit our newspaper articles and blogs tomorrow...

Indeed, as the 'traditional' face of our land, it seems amiss that our nation's Aboriginal people were not selected as representatives of Australian culture, music and messages to the international community. As SBS shamelessly floods our tvs and digital device screens with nonstop influences of Macedonian weather reports, Swedish nudist colony documentaries and 1971 Luge competition replays, then splashes Asian faces out as the embodiment of our culture, the real Australia is whittled away into a forgotten memory.

#HashtagTheRealAustralia

Indigenous comedienne Nakkiah Lui and Indigenous rapper Briggs, who have both publicly called out White Australians on several occasions for donning blackface at costume parties, are sure to let fly with the scathing critiques of SBS' choice of Eurovision Spokesperson and vocal performer within the next 24 hours.

 

#OlympicsSoBlack

In a move that has become all-too-familiar for athletics fans, the 2016 Olympic Games recently unveiled its selection for the 100m sprinting finals in both the men's and women's divisions, comprised entirely of black athletes.

  

The selection committee faced immediate backlash from members of the athletic community, for its continued exclusion of pale, pasty, light-skinned, pallid, chalky, or otherwise white competitors.

"Enough is enough. You really have to begin to wonder after a while," stated one anonymous track commentator, whose years of experience in the booth at international athletics events around the world has seen countless sprinters of African descent proliferating throughout sprinting finals.

"Running is an objectively measurable skill of human physicality practiced the world over. How is it then that you only ever see black faces at the starting blocks and taking the podium, year after year?"

Indeed, it has been notable over the past decade of international sprinting competitions that a disproportionate number of black sprinters regularly take the top spots. Such disregard for the appearance of Hispanic/Latino, Antipodean, South-East Asian, Central Asian, North-West Asian, Middle Eastern, South-South-East Middle Eastern and European athletes has been described as 'discriminatory', 'racist' and 'inevitably comparable to something Nazi'.

"Repeatedly broadcasting the same black figures to televisions around the globe at every Olympics is detrimental to minority groups and aspiring sprinters the world over," commented Gary Norman, son of historic white sprinter Peter Norman who became internationally renowned for standing quietly to the side as a Black Power salute was performed atop the podium at the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City.

"Diversity and difference should be celebrated on an international platform such as the 100m sprinting final, not blackwashed with the same dark tones every time." Norman added.
"Nobody seriously tunes in to watch any other event, yeah? And it's like a goddamn Nutella spill down there on the track every time, am I right?"

Whilst Olympic officials have yet to comment on the public backlash, one representative was heard to let slip at a recent press conference in Brazil a mention of 'fucking genetics you morons' before his microphone was abruptly cut off and he was ushered quickly off stage.

Are the Olympics sprinting finals too black?
We'll leave the following images with you for you to decide for yourself.

C-c-c-combo breaker!

40 Big Dick Problems

For all my tripods getting tangled in their ipods...

#1. Your dick has a birthday two days after yours.

#2. The self-retracting tape measure kinks under its own weight before you get to accurately record your length.

                                                  

#3. She only ever asks for a threesome with a Sherpa.

#4. Sneezing violently after a shower so you have to spend an hour untangling yourself from the ceiling fan. 

 

#5. When her moans sound all weird from the Doppler effect as she goes up and down your shaft.

           

#6. People always laughing at your cock-knee accent.

#7. Having to sit awkwardly at an angle in your train seat so your morning wood fits along the hypotenuse of the carriage.

#8. "Unexpected item in baggage area."

#9. Accidentally scaring other men at public urinals when you shake after a pee and it makes a loud whipcrack sound.

#10. Concealing an erection by tucking it up under your Double Windsor knot.

#11. Lifetime ban from the putt-putt golf course.

#12. When you pass out naked at the beach and the Google Maps Car happens to be driving by and inadvertently documents the gradual sunburn of your foreskin as your penis slowly unravels and is carried down the coastline by the tide.

#13. A blind chick rolling on a ribbed condom mutters "TL;DR". 

#14. Having to shell out for an Extra Large popcorn bucket when you see Fifty Shades of Grey in the cinema.

#15. Itchy socks.

#16. Having to tape two selfie sticks together for sexting.

#17. Suing the amusement park for bodily harm because the sign only said 'Keep hands, arms and feet inside the ride at all times'.

 

#18. When the bus doors close too quickly and you end up having to pay full fare as your bell-end takes a tour of the city back to the depot. 

#19. The gravitational pull of the moon causes slight curvature to the left. 

#20. When you take twerking lessons but every time you start to rapidly undulate your hips you take off around the room like a helicopter. 

#20. Revolving doors. 

#21. Your penis keeps making a loud decrescendo gurgle noise like a Giggle Stick as you struggle to pass a kidney stone.

#22. Absentminded motorists reaching out when you’re standing at a petrol pump filling your car. 

#23. Causing a petrol station fire when your Prince Albert piercing sparks up against a drainage grate on the ground.  

#24. When you stuff up your over/under coiling technique halfway through and end up fumbling with a huge knot at the urinal later. 

#25. Even yo mama has to stop and reach for lube.

#26. Watching an Asian bj video, you appreciate the phantom limb sensation that amputees experience. 

#27. Getting an xray but the lead apron isn't long enough so they have to park a lead-lined truck in the room. 

#28. When your dick floors the accelerator in a small car and you do a mad burnout so everyone thinks you're overcompensating but really no your dick just massive and can’t really fit properly inside a small vehicle.

              

#29. Constantly being affected by several different time zones of morning wood. 

#30. Some idiot with a camera crew tries crawling into your urethra for an Eaten Alive special.

#31. Finding Size US14 Shoes but that's only a UK Size 13.

#32. All your children fall out prematurely and have to be re-inserted with expanding foam.

#33. Lawnmowers.

#34. Every time you go in for a physical, the nurse calls for backup on her walkie-talkie.

#35. Having to tape a potato to your scrotum and say 'Sorry for the long post' every time you fuck a 9gagger.

#36. Your bae keeps overfeeding you to acquire more safety padding.

#37. When you suggest a stretch hummer for prom night and your date gets pissed off because she thought you were referring to the limousine.

#38. Having to stand all alone atop the podium of a three-legged race.

#39. When you double-knot your shoelaces.

#40. Tourists keep posing in front of you like they’re propping you up.

Gender imbalance and James Ruse dominance in HSC results

It’s that time of year again when HSC Santa dusts off his sack of academic disappointment to deliver a sleighload of angst to all the boys and girls of the graduating year.

"Please, our school system is so underfunded we don't get chairs."

 As discussed in previous blogs, "Will Girls And Asians Dominate HSC Results This Year? Probably" and "Did Girls And Asians Dominate HSC Results This Year? Pretty Much", the HSC marking process is one of general anonymity with the ~65,000 students assigned an arbitrary identity number so that markers cannot be swayed by bias or prejudice (affected in subjects, of course, featuring a major work component, performance element or face-to-face language engagement.) 

With this otherwise equal playing ground in mind, however, not only is there a notable trend towards selective government Sydney schools dominating all results out of 800 schools in NSW (the same top 7 schools from my last analyses were the same top 7 schools this year) but certain demographics tend to dominate particular subjects each year, despite comprising a comparatively tiny percentage of the school population. (For example- i.e. eg: Chinese students at <4% of the population).

Below is a brief overview of First In Course winners displaying notable gender imbalance as well as a list of subjects that James Ruse Agricultural High School manages to dominate over all other schools in the state on a regular basis.

GENDER IMBALANCE FOR FIRST IN COURSE WINNERS:

Textiles

♀: 18   ♂: 0

With a gender disparity to the tune of 98.5%, it is no surprise that every First In Course award since 2001 has gone to girls.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀♀	♀♀	♀	♀♀

Engineering

♀: 0 ♂: 15

Year after year, over 96.5% of Engineering students are boys. North Sydney Boys’ shines particularly brightly in this subject.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂	♂NS	♂	♂	♂	♂	♂NS	♂	♂	♂	♂	♂	♂NS	♂NS	♂

Society & Culture

♀: 19   ♂: 1    

Girls with Croatian/Serbian/Czech/Russian sounding surnames. Hornsby Girls and St Mary’s represent all up in this business.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♀♀St	♀St	♀Ho	♀	♀	♀Ho	♂♀St	♀♀	♀♀St	♀	♀	♀♀Ho	♀	♀

Dance

♀: 17   ♂: 1

95% of Dance students are female. 17 White girls have won at this subject for 14 years in a row.  

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀♂	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀♀♀	♀

Software Design & Development

♀: 1     ♂: 15

With a 93-94% prevalence of boys in the subject, Moriah took the honours over Emanuel, Normanhurst Boys’ and Caringbah.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂Mo	♂	♂	♂Mo	♂	♂	♂	♀Ca	♂♂Ca	♂	♂Mo	♂Em	♂NB	♂NB	♂Em

Food Technology

♀: 14   ♂: 1

Despite 25-33% of Food Studies students being boys, girls have won this subject every single year since 2002. Say what you will about Feminism, but I think over a decade of data covering tens of thousands of students displays a little scientific cred in gender stereotyping here.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀

            

Construction Examination

♀: 1     ♂: 11  

As one of only 2 females enrolled in this course for 2011, the 97% male-dominated subject was certainly shown up that year

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
-	-	♂	-	♂	♂	♂	♂	♂	♂	♀	♂	♂	♂	♂

  

Physical Development, Health & Personal Education

♀: 15   ♂: 2

With 12/13 wins since 2001, this is dominated by White girls, despite the fact that almost twice as many boys take this subject every year as girls.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♀	♀♀	♀	♂	♀	♀	♀	♀♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♂

           

Drama

♀: 13   ♂: 2

The last 12 winners in a row for Drama have been White girls. 3 of them have been named Amelia.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂JR	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♂JR

History Extension

♀: 13   ♂: 2

With a slight dominance in 65% female enrolment rate, only 2 boys have topped this course in 15 years.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♂	♀	♀	♀	♂	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀

Arabic Continuers & Extension

♀: 17   ♂: 3

From 2001-2013, there have been 10 occasions where the same student topped both Arabic Continuers and Extension.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀♀	♀	♂♂	♀	♀♀	♀	♀	♀♀	♀♀

           

Geography

♀: 13   ♂: 3

Abbotsleigh and Shore have put a finger in the pie chart more than once.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♀♀	♀	♀Ab	♀	♀	♂	♀Ab	♂Sh	♀	♀Ab	♀	♂Sh	♀	♀

           

Visual Arts

♀: 13   ♂: 6

Visual Arts has seen 12 First In Place wins for girls within 11 years, following 5 wins for boys within 4 years.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂	♂	♂♀♀	♂♂	♀♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♀	♂	♀

JAMES RUSE DOMINANT SUBJECTS:

Agriculture

Pymble Ladies College: 4, James Ruse: 8

10 Chinese students have won Agriculture in 15 years. James Ruse Agricultural High School lives up to their title.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀PLC	♂	♀JR	♀JR	♂JR	♀JR	♂JR	♀JR	♀PLC	♂JR	♀	♀PLC	♀JR	♂	♀PLC

Biology

Abbotsleigh: 4, James Ruse: 5

Abbotsleigh and James Ruse go back and forth in dominance here.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂	♀	♀Ab	♂JR	♀Ab	♀Ab	♀JR	♀	♀	♀Ab	♂	♂	♀JR	♂JR	♀JR

Chemistry

Baulkham Hills: 3, James Ruse: 4

8 Chinese girls have notched up a Chemistry win over 15 years.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♀	♂JR	♀BH	♀BH	♂	♂	♀JR	♀JR	♀JR	♀♀	♂BH	♀	♂	♂

Mathematics

James Ruse: 3

14 Chinese students have attained First In Course for Mathematics, despite being <4% of the Australian population. You do the math.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂♂NS	♀	♂♀	♂	♂	♂NS	♂	♂♂♂ ♀♀♀JR	♂	♂	♂	♀	♂JR	♂	♀♀♂JR

Mathematics Extension I

James Ruse: 5

17 Chinese students have won First In Course for Mathematics Extension I over 15 years.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♀	♂	♀	♂	♀	♀	♂	♂♂♂ ♂JR♀JR	♂♀	♀♀ ♂♂JR	♂	♀JR	♀	♀	♀JR

Mathematics Extension II

Sydney Grammar: 5, James Ruse: 6

8 wins for Chinese students in Mathematics Extension II over 15 years.

2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015
♂	♂SG	♂	♂JR	♂SG	♀JR	♂	♂JR♂SG	♂	♀JR	♂SG	♀JR	♂SG	♂JR	♂

And finally...

Modern Greek Beginners, Greek Continuers & Greek Extension

"I predict every year that each surname will contain either Z, V, K or OU and end in S."

2015: Antoniou, Kolevris, Samartzis

2014: Doulakis, Kefalas, Vallis

2013: Douroukis, Kapsabelis, Kolevris

2012: Markakis, Fassoulidis, Ahtypis

2011: Haralabopoulos, Boyages, Sansonios

2010: Zinonos, Kambouraki, Tsiknas-Kazantzis

2009: Moundoulas, Asimakopoulos
2008: Thomakos, Christodoulou, Voukelatos,

2007: Tzannes, Giannakos, Vgenopoulos, Gaitanos

2006: Katelaris, Pavlidis

2005: Tsepetzis, Kalogirou, Lianos

2004: Paschalidis, Vosper, Petropoulous

2003: Kalis, Xenos, Karageorgos

2002: Prassas, Sarris, Mouzouros

2001: Rennie, Menegakis, Koutoulas,